Osho The White Lotus Chapter 10
Reading this card’s commentary this morning, my knee-jerk reaction was, “Phew! That’s totally not me. I don’t behave that way.” And, on some level – if I want to be super picky about it – that’s true as I’m pretty sure that I’m not some duplicitous wretch. But, if I force myself to be honest and not ridiculously literal, isn’t it much easier to see the two sides that war between my words and actions? What if, on occasion, I add intention in the mix? Are these always aligned for the greatest good and the utmost transparent reasons?
If I’m honest about it, then I have to say no.
From trivial arguments with BD where my passive aggressive instinct kicks in to gossip sessions with girlfriends to workplace politics, I can pinpoint any number of times where my words, actions, and intent are totally out of whack and I am not acting with consciousness, compassion, or, quite simply, an ounce of common sense.
Should I strive to never be that person ever again? Probably not a realistic goal. That’s what BD would call a classic “set up,” as in setting yourself up for failure. Should I strive to be more conscious more of the time? Definitely doable.
Lesson of the Day: conscious, compassionate living = words + actions + intent
It is amazing to me how the Universe works – this week has been literally zooming by. I can’t tell you the last time I had a week go by so quickly. It has been a huge blessing in dealing with my father as the constant distractions keep me from becoming bogged down for too long at any one stretch. How incredibly blessed I feel to have this seeming subconscious undercurrent of positive energy just finding its way to our corner of the universe right when we need it most? (Answer: really freakin’ lucky!)
I have felt a peace about my maybe babies that I really was not expecting. I thought that this week would be the most difficult of this entire process, but I have this wonderful sense of completion and – to use my new favorite word from yesterday’s card – facticity about the circumstances. I am excited about tomorrow morning, which is when I do the blood test to determine if there’s a “chemical” pregnancy – I don’t want guess about what the outcome will be, but I have a very positive feeling, whatever that means.
My step-father sent me a really touching text message yesterday morning, in which he unwittingly referred to my “maybe baby” – this immediately made me think of that Buddy Holly song, “Maybe Baby,” and made me smile all day long. My blobs are now my maybe babies.