The last time I picked this card – on Day 2 of this adventure – the commentary was, quite frankly, so beyond me that I obviously really had nothing to say!
I know that I was hung up on the concept of “past lives,” something that I really don’t believe in, per se. I do not believe that souls reincarnate from one body to the next, willfully choosing to regenerate and continue an ongoing existence until reaching spiritual enlightenment. Perhaps one day I will change my mind.
What I do believe in is the oneness of the universe and cosmos. I do believe that you, I, this computer that I am typing on, the cords and airborne waves that transmit information, the Gatorade that I’m (still) drinking, as well as the purple martins chirping outside my door, my dogs rolling in dirty laundry, and my babies forming their tiny hearts (this week!) are all connected and made of the same thing. What all these things have been, what all these things are, and what they will all become is the same – we are all, in some shape or form, of this universe and therefore share a oneness that is divine and eternal.
So, in that sense, yes I believe in past lives. I know that what I am made up of has always existed and will always exist, even if not consciously.
Thus in contemplating the idea of “past lives,” I am drawn to that idea of universality, oneness, eternity, and the cyclical nature of things. I am eternal as my children develop inside me, taking of my body to create new life. I am eternal when I die, my ashes becoming part of the ocean and trees and rain and, perhaps one day, reintegrating into another life form.
For today, I will contemplate how I my eternal footprint looks – and will look. As a part of the cosmos, what I do and who I am matters, if only simply because I exist. My existence should bring peace and joy. Am I doing that? If not, what inhibits or obstructs me? If I am, how can I spread it further?
To be completely honest, such questions and meditations take on a whole new meaning to me now as I sense my little maybe babies coming to life. Life is so much bigger and grander than I ever imagined.
Today, an hour into the day, I am feeling much better than I have for the past two days. One thing is for sure: that Chinese dinner the other night, while awesome, has cured me of any yen for Chinese food (you know, the psychosomatic connection between food and feeling ill, perhaps). It was a wonderfully calm and uneventful day yesterday spent at a resource fair for families of children in a federal education program for tiny ones; it was actually a really wonderful gathering of resources and it was heartening to see families find job solutions, education opportunities, and health and medical advice in one room.
One of my coworkers, who is like my auntie, is on me daily about getting my support system prepared for the children – daycare, doctors, babysitters, and the like. Culturally, we come from very different places – where I was raised and am surrounded by people who believe you should be self-sufficient and manage your own family affair individually, she comes from a background where help and guidance and interaction are almost expected. I am very lucky to have her and my other coworker here to provide that type of support when even my own family approach is to leave it alone to me to figure out. So, I started vaguely browsing around for daycares and came to the realization that I need to engage in conversation with other mothers; the resources readily available on the internet are not the only ones (and certainly not the most affordable – $1000 a month for daycare?!).
I better stop procrastinating from getting the dogs off the pile of dirty laundry and start my day…