Zen Day 37: Morality

Bodhidharma … far transcends moralists, puritans, so-called good people, do-gooders. He has touched the very rock bottom of the problem. Unless awareness arises in you, all your morality is bogus, all your culture is simply a thin layer which can be destroyed by anybody. But once your morality has come out of your awareness, not out of a certain discipline, then it is a totally different matter. Then you will respond in every situation out of your awareness. And whatever you do will be good. 

Awareness cannot do anything that is bad. That is the ultimate beauty of awareness, that anything that comes out of it is simply beautiful, is simply right, and without any effort and without any practice. So rather than cutting the leaves and the branches, cut the root. And to cut the root there is no other method than a single method: the method of being alert, of being aware, of being conscious.

Osho Bodhidharma, The Greatest Zen Master Chapter 15

Morality has restricted all the juice and energy of life to the narrow confines of this woman’s mind. It can’t flow there, so she really has become ‘a dried up old prune.’ Her whole manner is very proper and stiff and severe, and she is always ready to see every situation as black and white, like the jewel she wears around her neck. 

The Queen of Clouds lurks in the minds of all of us who have been brought up with rigid ideas of good and bad, sinful and virtuous, acceptable and unacceptable, moral and immoral. It’s important to remember that all these judgments of the mind are just products of our conditioning. And whether our judgments are applied to ourselves or to others, they keep us from experiencing the beauty and godliness that lies within. Only when we break through the cage of our conditioning and reach the truth of our own hearts can we begin to see life as it really is.

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Ah, how true.  BD and I were on a little tear this morning, reaming a new professional undertaking of an acquaintance when this card’s commentary smacked in the tuckus.  How dare I impose my personal beliefs and priorities on someone else as though mine has some moral authority or superiority?

I have this enormous fear of turning into a cynical wretch and it suddenly hit me today that a major piece of that is the misuse of my personal morality.  Should I choose to wear my morality like a mantle and judge others by own standards, I’m pretty much setting myself up for a life filled with negative impressions and projections.  In other words, I create a self-fulfilling prophesy.  We really do have the power to decide how we approach every interaction, every moment, every piece of news.  We really can take a step back in every instance to think about it holistically and from a more objective perspective before forming an opinion (if forming one at all).  We really do owe it to ourselves to be as fair, kind, and compassionate to others as we would hope they would be to us.

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IVF-land Check-In: We had our second hormone test – what they call “beta” check-up in IVF lingo – this morning and, god help us all, my day 16 HCG hormones are extremely high at 817 (up from 141.3 on Friday), which could indicate (*gulp*) twins (*double gulp*).  When I called BD with the update, there was a palpable 2-second pause before he responded.  This is too funny.  Obviously, it’s still too early to tell what will happen, but, yikes, am I feeling a little anxious!

I’m also pretty uncomfortable these days.  The bloating caused by fluid retention makes it difficult to breathe, sleep, and wear anything with a waistline.  Apparently, my ovaries are still pretty big, so that’s adding to the full, bloated feeling.  The progesterone shots are really taking a toll on my behind, too.  But, besides that, I really have had minimal symptoms of, well, anything!  Yes, I’ve begun to feel more tired, but I really don’t have time for naps, so I just sleep very well at night (which I’m not complaining about!).  I’ve had a few bouts of nausea, but really nothing to write home about.  I’ve noticed some slight food aversions (particularly to vegetables, which is super weird for me), but I could be making that part up – heck, I’m going to force my way through that because we all I can’t give up veggies right now.  In short, it’s hard to tell what symptoms are being caused by the pregnancy or progesterone….

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