This is the situation of your head: I see cycle-handles and pedals and strange things that you have gathered from everywhere. Such a small head…and no space to live in! And that rubbish goes on moving in your head; your head goes on spinning and weaving – it keeps you occupied.
Just think what kind of thoughts go on inside your mind. One day just sit, close your doors, and write down for half an hour whatsoever is passing in your mind, and you will understand what I mean and you will be surprised what goes on inside your mind. It remains in the background, it is constantly there, it surrounds you like a cloud. With this cloud you cannot know reality; you cannot attain to spiritual perception.
This cloud has to be dropped. And it is just with your decision to drop it that it will disappear. You are clinging to it – the cloud is not interested in you, remember it.
Osho The Sun Rises in the Evening Chapter 9
This is what happens when we forget that the mind is meant to be a servant, and start to allow it to run our lives. The head is filled with mechanisms, the mouth is ranting and raving, and the whole surrounding atmosphere is being polluted by this factory of arguments and opinions.
The Page of Clouds is telling you that somebody, somewhere, is stuck in a “head trip.” Take a look and make sure it isn’t you.
Kind of amazing that this IVF cycle has taken 33 days, no? This is the second good omen I’ve had this cycle, the first being that the number of eggs that fertilized was 13 – my favorite number and BD’s initial guess at how many would make it.
But all of that armchair augury does make me reflect immediately upon the Mind card’s commentary: how many things can I ruminate on and dissect? How much time can I waste hypothesizing, scheming, and second-guessing? I do have a tendency to let my mind run away with itself, for better and worse – sometimes on real issues, others on complete nonsense. Recognizing this tendency is most definitely a conscious act at this point – as in, I must consciously stop the process once it’s already started.
But, I suppose on this day, the last of this IVF cycle, it is a wonderful reminder as I prepare myself for the pregnancy test. I cannot let my mind run away with itself regarding the woulda, shoulda, coulda’s – I need to be grateful for and trust in the universal divine order of things and just let it be.
We have made it! 33 days from Shot #1 the day before Mardi Gras to today. Countless tests, procedures, medications, hormonal swings, and body changes have been crammed into our already-busy life and, amazingly, it all fit together seamlessly. Regardless of the outcome today, I am so grateful for this journey; I have learned so much about myself, my relationships, priorities, and needs. Quite frankly, I am shocked at how simple this month has been – while not a cake walk, per se, it was not nearly the emotional and physical roller coaster that I feared. I am so proud of BD and me and feel blessed for this opportunity to explore parts of myself and our shared life.
One of the biggest and hardest lessons that I’m learning is to ask for help, so I’ll end with that: any positive energy that can possibly make its way to our little corner of the universe would be most welcome today. Many thanks, in advance.