Zen Day 25: Integration

It seems like a lifetime has passed between Day 10, when I first pulled this card, and today.  What a perfect foil to today: Day 10 was, in fact, the nadir of this entire experience, the day that I really hit rock bottom, whereas today, I have emerged on the other side and am now a day away from the embryo transfer.

I suppose that dichotomy – between the Me of anxiety, depression, and physical struggle, and the Me of elation and peace – is as good an embodiment of Integration as any.  Both sides of me belong to me equally.  I can no more escape my more embarrassing and depressing manifestations than I can hold on to the high points of happiness.  There is a core of my being that has driven me through this process and will continue to guide me.  Like a compass, I need to remember that core when I find myself on either end of the emotional spectrum; I am still the Me who feels low, I am still the Me that feels joy, I am still the Me that moves forward.

Here’s to the last day of the never-been-knocked-up Me.

I am thankful that all things are working in divine order for the highest good of all beings concerned.


Recap of Day 24: A good, if long, day.  I went to the acupuncturist in the late afternoon for the first of two sessions surrounding the transfer; for the first time, I felt immediate relief from the near-constant heartburn.  She seems pretty confident that this will go well.

I got home to BD in a near conniption fit over the front porch; this has become his white whale in the wake of a baby.  The porch is in dire need of attention and it has grasped a tight grip on him.  So, I’m attempting to deal with this arduous, lengthy, and costly situation as calmly as possible; I refuse to let it ruffle me.  One of the 10 million concerns that BD has is the fact that we live in a historic district that can be rather Draconian in the oversight of its policies; however, I think that I was able to make major headway this morning when I found that you aren’t required to go through all of the rigor morale for replacement of damaged exteriors – that is a HUZZAH times a hundred in my book!  That simple fact will save us, oh, 2 months and a couple of hundred dollars in architectural drawings and committee hearings.

The weirdest one was waking up at 3am to take out the old dog and seeing that I had a text message from an acquaintance asking if I’d be interested in pursuing a team job with him to run a local arts organization.  Now, there are several reasons why this is weird, but I’ll just choose one to extrapolate on for a sec: I have waited years (literally) for a job in my field to pop up locally and then, the day before I get pregnant, that very job opportunity (however tenuous it may be) comes?  I’m not really sure what to make of that on any level.  In fact, it downright confuses me.

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