Zen Day 9: The Lovers

These three things are to be taken note of: the lowest love is sex – it is physical – and the highest refinement of love is compassion. Sex is below love, compassion is above love; love is exactly in the middle. 

Very few people know what love is. Ninety-nine percent of people, unfortunately, think sexuality is love – it is not. Sexuality is very animal; it certainly has the potential of growing into love, but it is not actual love, only a potential…. 

If you become aware and alert, meditative, then sex can be transformed into love. And if your meditativeness becomes total, absolute, love can be transformed into compassion. Sex is the seed, love is the flower, compassion is the fragrance. 

Buddha has defined compassion as love plus meditation. When your love is not just a desire for the other, when your love is not only a need, when your love is a sharing, when your love is not that of a beggar but an emperor, when your love is not asking for something in return but is ready only to give – to give for the sheer joy of giving – then add meditation to it and the pure fragrance is released. That is compassion; compassion is the highest phenomenon.

Osho Zen, Zest, Zip, Zap and Zing Chapter 3

What we call love is really a whole spectrum of relating, reaching from the earth to the sky. At the most earthy level, love is sexual attraction. Many of us remain stuck there, because our conditioning has burdened our sexuality with all kinds of expectations and repressions. Actually the biggest “problem” with sexual love is that it never lasts. Only if we accept this fact can we then really celebrate it for what it is – welcome its happening, and say good-bye with gratitude when it’s not. 

Then, as we mature, we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole. This love is based in freedom, not expectation or need. Its wings take us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.

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What a perfect card for today.

After waking BD up way early following his Monday-night bartending shift to get to the clinic at 7:30 this morning, I kept finding myself gazing at him with admiration as he joked and listened intently to the nurse’s instructions for how to mix and inject the new medications.  Sure, the learning process probably took twice as long as he was obviously fatigued, but he was a real trooper.  He had this look of humility and genuine attention while taking instruction and going through the practice rounds that I’m not sure I’ve ever seen from him.  BD is a very confident person who likes to maintain control and humor through any learning process; it is a rare occasion for him to back down without comment or come-back.  But, today, he really made the effort to listen and learn.  I was so incredibly proud of him and humbled by his devotion not just to me, but to this yet-to-be new human being.

As the nurse went through all of the fun side effects that I could expect with these new medications (Follistim and Menopur), I could feel the depth of my love for my partner.  Swollen ovaries, feet, and hands; constipation; aching back; constant urge to urinate; tender breasts; bloating – all very attractive and exciting things to look forward to, for sure.  But, it felt okay, sitting there with my partner because I knew he is as excited as I am and that we are more than swollen ovaries and constipation.

The biggest excitement of the day?  The extraction is tentatively set for March 10th!  That’s less than two weeks!  I don’t even have the words to express the jumble of emotions – mainly flat-out excitement – that I’m feeling.

So, here’s to my BD.  One cool dude and one super-awesome partner.  I pretty much hit the jackpot with this one.

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Recap of Day 8: Nothing to report besides the same.  Had another stress dream that involved all of the medication – there was so much medication, some of which was the same in different packaging, and I wasn’t sure which directions to follow on which box.  I think part of my sleeping problem may have to do with the space heater, which I set pretty high because it’s cold when I go to sleep, but which makes the room really stuffy around 2:00 a.m.  Perhaps I’ll try a lower setting tonight and see how that works.

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